First, set a good example
As a parent or guardian, do not underestimate the influence of your actions, reasons, and choices. Even if you think your children are not listening to you, your general behavior has a tremendous effect on your child's behavior. Think of the message your example sends to the child.
It's hard to encourage them to make sensible choices if you don't set the right example!
One step at a time
The balance between child protection and freedom is not easy. You can't be around them all the time and they wouldn't thank you if you did that anyway.
But by communicating and trusting, you can help them make the right decisions in dangerous circumstances, learn from their mistakes, come to you for advice, and stay safe.
A few small changes can make a difference, but don't expect to be successful in one day. Take one step at a time.
No one is perfect
Recognize that neither you nor your child is perfect. Something that works with one child or in some circumstances may not work with another.
Accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable (by you and by the children) and that the important thing is to learn from them.
Get to know your child
Get to know your child as a person. Do you really know what they like and don't like about themselves and those around them? What would they change in their life (or in you!) if they could?
Find the time to ask them and actually listen to their answers. You may discover that you do not know them as well as you thought and that they will feel that their opinion really matters.
Create a bond
When children feel they are valued members of a stable group, they follow the agreed rules more easily.
Give your child a sense of belonging by doing things with them, discovering what they like, cooking together, and going out together as a family. The establishment of a routine means that you can spend time together and gives you more opportunities to communicate. At the same time, it helps your child to talk to you if he/she has a problem.
Make them feel respected
It may seem obvious, but making your children feel respected is often neglected in our daily lives.
Your child's opinion matters and they should feel able to express their views in a supportive environment. Let them know about changes that will affect them and tell them you're proud of them. If their friends get into trouble in which your child didn't participate, tell them how proud you are that they behaved so maturely.
Set boundaries
It is important that children are aware of the rules and the consequences of violating them. They will test your endurance so do not warn with actions you are not ready to follow. An effective “punishment” is to take away some rights – a planned outing to the cinema, visiting friends, watching TV.
But don't forget to praise them when they do the right thing. By explaining the reasons for setting the rules to them, you help them follow them and develop a sense of responsibility. Knowing who they're with and when they're coming back is important for their safety and not just your peace of mind.
Trust them
Trusting your child means that the child will feel able to tell you the truth (especially about unacceptable or dangerous matters) and you will not be angry or judge them. Being willing to listen to their side of things and discuss other options will help them make sensible choices in the future.
Trust is important so that you will have an open and honest talk. If your child feels able to discuss difficult issues with you, then he/she will talk to you when he/she needs it and will listen to what you say.
Make sure they're informed
Children are usually more informed than we think -but they don't always know the facts. Whatever the issue is, make sure your child has the right information and knows where to turn if he or she needs to know more.
Try to avoid reprimands or intimidation and discuss the advantages and disadvantages objectively together. Use language that the child understands and examples that are relevant to him or her and encourage him or her to give you his or her opinion.